Well today was a very interesting day. Lessons were very tiring and life was very busy. Had a lesson at noon and thought I was done until 2:30 and could relax...but had a 3 year old at 1:30 and had to get geared up to do his lesson that I had forgotten about. This not remembering things is killing me. While doing this lesson we were feeding and trying to teach the new horse to load in the trailer but couldn't get him in the trailer. Just had him in the other day but NO NOT TODAY. I think I pulled something trying to get his feet up and in the trailer. He is only about 16.3 hands and weighs close to 1100 lbs with more weight going on him every day so when he decides he isn't going to do something...well he just isn't going to do it. While he eats in the trailer, Dolittle, the horse at the top of the page here, is his companion by the trailer. He was tied to the side of the trailer and I was working with our little boy. Dolittle decides to try to go to the back of the trailer and scares himself some how and rears backwards and breaks his lead rope...this causes Asagai to be scared and come out of the trailer again as well as scare the pony that the little 3 year old is on....Thanks Dolittle!!!!
This makes for a very long day - all this running around after horses and kids. I am exhausted again. This being so tired that I can't move by the time I get home has got to stop. I just don't know what to do with myself. I should not be this weak and lazy. Now others may not see it as lazy but to me it is. When I have to come home and sit down and am not ABLE to get up and do what needs to be done VS not wanting to get up to do what needs done there is a problem. I tell people about it and they say "Go to the doctor". What will a doctor do? Really now lets think this through? I show up at the office and say.....When I get home I am really tired. They say Ok tell me about your day and I will see what I can do to help. I say....well on week days, I leave for school at 6:45 am and teach 7th grade until 3:00 then at 3:00 I start after school until 5:10, then I come home and try to do dishes, laundry, take care of the dogs, teach class on Tuesday until 10, or give riding lessons on Fridays. OH on the weekends it is a bit easier doc....I give lessons at the barn with 7 horses from 12 until about 6 or 6:30 then I go home and do dinner, laundry, grade papers etc....before I start my week over. I don't sleep very well and I wake up at least 4 or 5 times a night. I just don't seem to have the energy to do anything anymore. I think the doctor is going to look at me and say "What do you mean you don't have energy. Looks to me like you have tons of energy and are working very hard. I think you are fine and are worried for nothing." But they won't see that I need to force myself to put one foot in front of the other every day to make myself do less than 1/2 of what I did before the surgery and even though I am feeling so much better not in any pain, the lack of energy makes me feel like I am the laziest person on this earth. I can see it in other peoples' eyes. When I slow down for a minute or don't get things done fast enough for them....like I use to. It is akin to pity and no one lifts a finger to help. Just stare at me and shake their heads as they sit there and watch. What a good feeling to know that everyone just watches you struggle and doesn't really care about it.
I have spent so much money going out to eat to try to alleviate at least that much of my day that my husband is tired of eating out and complaining about me not cooking. When I say I am tired he says sure you are...that surgery was months ago you are fine you just don't want to cook. Of course he does no cooking, laundry, dishes etc and can't keep up with me now let alone before I had the surgery. So he has no idea how tired I am. He sleeps through the night so he has no idea about that either. It just seems like no one is listening. Here no one reads this either but that is ok. At least I have said something and it makes me feel a bit better even if it won't change anything.
Night all......
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